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The recent articles in regards to the possible arrest of a person if they are caught “teefing a wine” i.e when the ‘receiver’, usually a woman, has not exactly consented to the ‘giver’ roughing up their bumper, has been tough to digest for some. After all, isn’t that what carnival is all about to some people? Freedom of expression, enjoyment, vibes, drinking and wuking up with whomever you want. It is, however, important to note that the ‘wuking up’ is mostly with strangers and the consent can be post-wine. If it’s sweet, your granted a temporary stay of execution. Anything perceived less and its trial by the costumed judge. You are subsequently hung, drawn and quartered in the time it takes to do a pirouette spin back around to face you, starting the commentary on why you must not continue. It’s almost akin to Britain’s got talent, with men giving their best performance for a chance at the prize, sadly there are many times when ‘its a no from me’.

Can you be accused of taking a wine too far?

Needless to say, I have to ask just how many of you ladies have ever been a victim of a man taking a wine too far? The fact that you graced their very presence, presumably means to them that it’s a sign, a smoke signal to the fact that you’re ready to receive. Then there are the ones that usually have no chance of talking to you in the real world, but you get, ‘hey it’s carnival girl’ [in their best Trini accent] as they chip in their best moves towards you. In regards to playing mas, the reality is that you’re in a costume and expected to take a wine from everybody, with your legs akimbo and that you should be so high on rum that you’re ready to ‘go down’ at a hint of that lil rick signature track. Yes, we ladies love playing pretty mas. Some of us even like to get on bad and a lot more may like to drink, but since when did we have Wuk up Wednesday pit stop” stamped on our head? Don’t be a ‘have a go hero’ as we are not all an open invitation for your practice routines or any kind of frenzied ‘wuk ups’ in the carnival season.

So here’s the reality check and in the fun spirit of the carnival season, here is what some of us ladies really endure at carnival time.

The Bam Bimmer

The ones that just turn up and ben you over, keep you in that consistent position, jab away and call that wining.

The ones that think soca is a slow jam tune

You can take a nice slow wine but let’s not go too far. It’s soca.

Getting to that point of no return

Definitely, no thank you! I am not here to raise anything, not even an expectation.

The irony of comfort

No words really, I know comfort should be above all but when you’re taking a wine it all just gets a bit too much with movement. We are subjected to way too much (and even too little) definition.

Mission Impossible

‘I had a good wine thank you’. ‘No I don’t want your number’.’ Yes, I have a boyfriend’. ‘Yes I am sure you would be later, but still no thanks’. Get the conversation? Stop it, lads. Let a good wine be for what it was, a good wine. Move on.

The Defender

Ok so now you a had sweet wine and you’re a smart man, you get the signal. Now knowing that you’re not going to get another one, you become the bodyguard. The defender of her honour. So now, no-one else can take a wine with you.

The Side Piece

Bad wine, good wine, average wine, he likes you and has gone into full-blown automatic “anywhere she deh, mi deya” mode. You can see the hunger in their eyes, salivating by the wayside waiting for the hint of signal that they can skip into your derriere. Beware, you can’t bend over or lift your hands in the air, it counts as a sign.

Beware of the Clingon!

Around every carnival season, you magically excrete sweet tasting super glue or some kind of attachment pheromone because they fall in love after one wine and that’s it. I can almost visualize the scene as the wine finishes and their two hands grip on around your waist and clamp down. Now you got to chip in sync for the rest of carnival.

Panic button needed

Check who you are wining with. I cannot stress the importance. Not only are you guys under threat of arrest, but we must be too? It’s no rarity for a teenager to try and catch a wine

Hold on to your rag!

Wuking up takes much effort and you sweat. Carrying a rag is not just a representation of your country, but importantly, it clears the sweat off your face. So loaning it out to some man as equally as sweaty is a no go for me, and I will wrestle you for it!

The Networker

Mr social network is out in all his splendid glory. Preening and fluffing himself ready for the ultimate selfie image with your fine yourself (and he always has his own rag), buffing his face like his ego. Don’t be surprised to be one of the many women featured on his Instagram feed.

The Wining Specialist

Whenever I feel the need to have someone backflip directly into my bumper, and then proceed to projectile bump me to the other side of the road for crowd entertainment, I’ll call you.

The Nasty & Dam Right Dutty

When the Vybz cartel impersonator rocks up behind you and confuses soca for bashment. So before you know it you’re doing the split in the middle”… upside down.

Persistence does not pay

He actually asks if he can take wine with you. You politely say no. In his mind, your costume said yes. He returns secretly sliding in. You back off, he backs in. Now you are vexed because you got to now throw a punch.

The Opportunist

He comes and takes a quick wine and dusts off because the next girl looks fitter.

The Serial Predator

He seeks you out, you can’t hide, you can’t escape. Every and any girl, anytime, any place. You’re then doomed to a 10-minute wine that he thinks is pleasant.

The ‘I got my girl watching’ Winer

So a guy rocks up and he’s happy to wine, but it’s nervous one. You see wifey is watching.

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Suffice to say, this is not a representation of all men and it is meant as a light-hearted look at what we ladies can endure at any event. However, God bless all our carnival soldiers, for without them there is no wuk up. Here’s also a link to for tips on Wining Etiquette to ensure you stay out of trouble!

Comment or even take part in the poll now for your views on asking for permission to wine!

(picture courtesy of Loop TT. Available at: http://www.looptt.com/content/womantra-shares-carnival-wining-etiquette-guide-after-ttps-warning)

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